I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
