I'm really into asian looking animals
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
