fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
