I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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