I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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