To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
