I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
