I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
