i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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