She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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