You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
