I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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