Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
