i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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