you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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