6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
