i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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