3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
