Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
