omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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