Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
