Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
