Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
