if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
