This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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