you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
