is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!