Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
