3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
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was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...