bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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