she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.