i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
