hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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