My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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