dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
