Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
