ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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