I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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