I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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