I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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