Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
