A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think i have herpe
just one?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
