You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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