Pants 0. Shit 1.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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