ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
