shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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