No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
