I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
