that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
