I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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