Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
