We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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