____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
