She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
