i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
