the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
