see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
