Just cropdusted the office
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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