Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
