i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
