no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
