You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
