He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
