I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
