Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
