i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize