I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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