So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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