Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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