I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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