p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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