I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
