i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
