If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
