I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
