mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
