He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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