You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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