I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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