DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
