Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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