Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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