things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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